Do You Have A Dominant Hand In Bed?

photo by Colin Charles via Creative Commons

We all have certain preferences when it comes to sex. Lights on, lights off. Covers, lingerie, even the side of the bed you like to be. While hanging out with some good friends, another question came up.

Do you have a dominant hand in bed? My friend J brought this up because normally he right-handed, but in bed, his lefty is the boss. Whether he's performing solo or doing the bed tango with his partner, his left hand is deft and detail oriented while his right hand just hangs out.

I've never thought about this before. Obviously J has. It's fascinating how his dominant hand in bed is no his dominant hand in his daily activities.

I mean, my husband can cut his steak (not a euphemism) equally well with his left or right hand. Not the same concept as bedroom play.

We further analyzed J's observation. Did he hold his "literature" in his right hand when he masturbated as a teenager? Nope. Is it because he had to turn his back to his bedroom door just in case someone walked in on his extracurricular activities? Nope.

We never did figure it out, but it made for great conversation.

What about you? Are you a lefty or righty in bed?

I'm Like the Bartender of Vagina Stories

I'm like the bartender of vagina stories.

It's a hazard of my job, I guess. It's like when you discover someone is an accountant and you ply him with tax questions. Or you over share your aching bunion issues with a doctor you meet at a dinner party.

When strangers discover that I sell sex toys for a living, the floodgates open.  Unlike an accountant or doctor, I really don't mind. (I'm assuming that they do mind.) The stories are never boring and sometimes, quite entertaining.

I don't find it odd anymore when complete strangers spill their sexual experiences to me.  It's the places where their open up, that seem out of the ordinary. I expect to hear these stories at my Passion Parties, but in large public settings?

A couple of months ago, during a very large expo, I approached a booth promoting feminine hygiene products that were especially formulated for women. As I listened to the representative go through her spiel, I noticed that her inflection changed each time she spoke the word vagina. Obviously she seemed slightly uncomfortable saying the word in a public setting. Me, I can it all day long: vagina, vagina, vagina--just as Jan Brady said, "Marcia, Marcia, Marcia."

Never one to shy away from vagina talk, I decided to throw out, "Did you ever think you would have to say vagina so many times when you took this job?" Apparently, that was the key to unlock her floodgates.  I filled her in about how I empower women to take control of sexual pleasure at in home parties. It was all the permission she needed.

In the middle of this huge expo hall, in the middle of an afternoon, surrounded by thousands of women, she confessed to me that once, after sex, her vagina had a very offensive odor. She had attempted to confided in a girlfriend about it, but was ostracized.

We were not alone at this little booth.  Her coworkers were standing next to her, promoting their feminine hygiene products to other passerbys. I could even reach over and touch the women at the adjoining booth. We were surrounded by strangers and yet she did not whisper her "fragrant" experience.

Most women would probably need to down a cosmo or two before confessing such a matter to a close girlfriend. Me, I get the story straight up.  I guess if I had gotten a similar response from my friend, I might be hesitant too.

I love that my career makes women (and sometimes men) comfortable enough to share their sexual questions, adventures, and mishaps with me. I listen to their stories, laugh with them, and help them feel validated. I've heard many stories in my 9+ years as a Passion Parties consultant. I don't judge. I let them know they're not alone-it's happened to others too. I think that's what puts them at ease-that it's happened to others. That they're not a freak.

Bartender of sexual mishap stories, vaginal odors, and more. That's me.

If you ever run into me, before we start talking vagina (or penises), buy me an appletini, please?

Top 10 Dangerous Spots for Sex

Who knew sex could be so dangerous? Have you hurt yourself on one of these spots? I promise not to tell!

1. Sofa
2. On the stairs
3. Car (Imagine that?)
4. Shower
5. In the Bedroom
6. On a chair
7. The kitchen table
8. Garden
9. Toilet
10. In a work cupboard

How have you hurt yourself during sex? The best story wins a prize! If you're not comfortable leaving a public comment, you can email me.

Read more other sex mishaps.

Photo credit: Doctor Casino

Can You Say the V-Word?

In my line of work at a Passion Parties consultant, I've heard a lot of words for "down there." One of the games I play is to see how many terms for the female genitalia you can list in 6o seconds. (Try it--it's hard when you're under pressure.)

I know a lot of women (men too) are uncomfortable saying vagina. There, I said. Vagina, vagina, vagina. Why is it so hard to say that word? Maybe we didn't hear it enough as children. There are a lot of women at my parties who are uncomfortable saying vagina. They say "down there" or even wore "va-jay-jay."

Sure it was funny the first time I heard it on Grey's Anatomy. Obviously tv has issues saying vagina too. That's just a silly name for it!

Growing up first generation Vietnamese-American, my first language is Vietnamese. To this day, I have no idea what the actual word for vagina is in Vietnamese. Or clitoris. I'm afraid to ask my mom. I'm in my thirties and have 2 kids. I sell sex toys for a living but I'm afraid to ask my mom. How exactly do I explain to my mother what a clitoris is when our only sex talk was don't get pregnant? 

From the very beginning, I've taught my daughter that her girl parts is called vagina. Now it's technically not correct but it's close. When she's older, I'll explain all the other parts to her. She's four now. She's know what her vagina was since she started speaking in full sentences. Some people think I'm crazy for teach her vagina and penis. Heck, she even asked me what her clitoris was one day during her bath. Of course I told her.

Let's show our vagina the respect it deserves.  Empower yourself. Don't call her your hoo-ha or your beaver or your bush or whatever. Own the word. It's nice and strong.

Let's teach our young'uns the right terms too. Both our boys and our girls. Teach them at a young age to respect their bodies by giving the right words to use. It's a start to give our girls, especially when they become pre-teens and teens, good self-esteem. Teach our boys also to respect not only their body parts but girls' too. Take the mystery out of it, and it's no longer forbidden fruit.

The ladies I meet who are uncomfortable talking about their genitals are also uncomfortable voicing their sexual needs to their partners. Isn't it time we take our pleasure into our own hands (literally or figuratively)?

Or as the artist of the piece pictured said:

Ain't nothing wrong with "vagina."

Photo (and art) courtesy of Ricë Freeman-Zachery.

Is It a Sex Toy or Is It a Baby Toy?

Can you tell the difference between a baby toy and a sex toy?

I DARE you to take the quiz. I got 14 out of 15 correct. What was your score?

Oh, and this is definitely NOT safe for work.

Mominatrix Does Pole Dancing or Meeting Kristen Chase

 
I know pole dancing pole fitness, is the new rage. It's just a little outside my comfort zone.

I know, I know. The woman who sells sex toys for a living doesn't want to try pole dancing. Fear not.

This past Sunday I was able to meet Kristen Chase, author of The Mominatrix's Guide to Sex: A No-Surrender Advice Book for Naughty Moms .

We had met on Twitter but it was lovely to see her in person. It's great to meet other women that are passionate about helping other women get laid have great sex. That Kristen is one hot woman! Check out the shoes she wore:

She held her DC book signing at Jordin's Paradise, a cute little dance & fitness studio. When you walk it, the first thing you'll notice are the 6 poles in the middle of the floor! Rania, the owner showed us some pretty rocking moves.

No, I did not do that. The little I tried. .  .whew! What a workout. You need a lot of upper body strength for pole fitness. That said, the moves were fun, and I didn't feel slutty doing them.

If you didn't feel like pole dancing, there was always a chocolate fountain and wine. Check out these yummies we had to dip.

I also gave a way a wild basket of Passion Parties goodies to a lucky guest! My blog buddy Jodifur won. I didn't rig it. Kristen drew the name.

It was a lot of fun! I'm actually thinking about taking some pole fitness classes. I'm sure hubby wouldn't complain. Rania & I are thinking about doing some Passion Pole Parties. What do you think?

Parent-Friendly Sex Toys

Who says you can't go buzz in the night after you have kids? Sure, you're terrified that they'll find your light-up twisty multi-function vibrator, but you can't go to sleep without its stupor inducing orgasms. Don't despair, you don't have to hide your toys in the back of the closet.

Just buy some parent-friendly sex toys. By parent-friendly, I mean they're discreet or you can easily give your kids an alternate explanation if they find it. Now if your kids are tweens or older, they know. No use trying to explain. Just tell them to mind their own business. Really, who really wants to think about their parents doing the nasty?

Most of these toys' main function are clitoral stimulators. That's where you want the action!

Everyone woman has her favorite tube of lipstick. Except with the Lipstick Vibe, no one has to know that it takes batteries and puts a smile on your face. Unless your kid is like my make-up obsessed 4 year old, they won't even look at it twice. It's also water-resistant, perfect for the shower.

With its magnetic clip, this Treasure Gem can pass as brooch. It'll be your new favorite accessory. Not only is it  sparkly, it packs powerful vibes. Gotta love multi-tasking toys. You can also clip this to your favorite pair of panties and VOILA! Vibrating underwear.

The Blossom Bliss will make you feel very relaxed and zen. Not sure how to explain this one, except it's not penis-shaped! It's small, waterproof, and quiet. Plus it's pretty.

The We-Vibe II is a perfect couples toy. It's meant to be worn during sex but it's pretty darn exciting solo. It vibrates on your clitoris AND your g-spot, leaving your hands free for some extra fun play. If your kids find it, the flexible silicone can always be turned into a puppet. (Do this at your own risk, as your kid may ask for the cool purple puppet show again--in front of company no less.)

Of course if you're just paranoid or have really sneak kids, invest in a the Pink Butterfly Toybox. It's a sturdy lockbox that you set the combination. Just pick an easy to remember combination or write it down. You don't want it to hold your toys hostage!

This post was inspired by Kristen Chase's new book, The Mominatrix's Guide to Sex: A No-Surrender Advice Book for Naughty Moms. It's a fun read. I received a copy of the book for review as part of Silicon Valley Moms book club.

Disclaimer: All links to the toys mentioned above are sold in my Passion Parties online store. You don't have to purchase it from me, but it sure helps keep baby Jaxson with a steady supply of diapers and cute onesies. Thanks!